Amazon Sucks

Van Heusen Men's Poplin Solid Long Sleeve Button Down Collar Shirt neck size 16.

Day One.
On line for the upteamth time.
Trying to order a white long sleeve button down color shirt for Joe in my office.
Joe's 85 years old.
Definitely can't handle the rigorous constitution and emotional serenity required when ordering something on Amazon.com.
Apparently neither can I.


He got a gift card for Christmas from our boss.
Code #. $50. Can you help me? he asked.
Of course. I replied. I wanted to help him.
I get frustrated often because I have to shout if I want him to answer me.
His hearing is going.
Patience. I tell myself.
This time I will be patient.
Yeah right.
I started out with much hope in my heart.
Signed on.
Created an account for Joe.
Had to ask him 6 times for his email address.
Shouted out each letter in his address back to him as he deliberately accentuated them as to make sure I got it right.
Same process for his password.
Great! we were in!

Searched and found the shirt at $22.95.
He could order two.
$7.01 left over.
Free shipping.
Entered his gift card code #.
Problem.
It wouldn't take it.
Over and over.
Still wouldn't take it.

Day two
Called Amazon directly.
Found their phone number.
Massive accomplishment.
Fishing expedition which took 15 minutes.
And tremendous self control.
Spoke to the representative.
45 minutes later.
They Straightened things out.
Blithely I went to his "cart" and tried to check out again.
Code #. Entered.
No Go.
Again.
5 times.
Same problem.
AMAZON HELL.
Worse than Satre's "No exit."
At least at the end of the play the play ends.
Amazon continues ad infinitum.
Joe needed his shirts.
I promised to help.
Patience definitely wearing thin.

Day three
Called Amazon directly.
Spoke with the representative.
I'm desperate. I exclaimed. Trying not to sound desperate.
We're here to help. He responded.
Yeah right I thought to myself.
Good Luck.
Couldn't find the item number.
Damn.
Looked again. Couldn't find the same shirt.
Trouble.
Only more expensive ones left.
Let's try again. Found one. It was $24.95.
Thank god.
45 minutes later.
It should work now he concluded.
Please let there be no taxes. No shipping. I prayed.
Back to the check out stage.
It's working. It's working. I shouted out loud so Joe could hear me.
Final stage.
Then.
Shhhhhhhhh-----t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not letting me do it. I can't take it anymore.
I can't handle this right now. I cried loudly.
But this time it wasn't for Joe.

Can I help? asked Elizabeth my office mate.
It's not working. You won't be able to do it. It's impossible. I told her. She came over to my desk anyway.
She got it to work.
Thank God! I shouted out loud throwing my hands up in the air.
You should be getting your shirts. 5-9 business days.
I shouted once more so Joe could hear me.
Ok. he responded.

Amazon sucks.
Ordering men's white button down shirts in neck size 16 sucks.
Ordering on line with a gift card. Sucks.
Shouting out "God" six million times is like pushing the elevator button after it's green.
It won't come any faster.
People are always waiting on other floors.
Especially when you need the elevator fast because you're running late.
And "God" has way more important stops to make before he considers helping you order white shirts on Amazon.com.